i can't help but love you (even though i try not to)
by wood painted flesh
Summary: Marinette doesn't know how she starts hooking up with Chat Noir. ONESHOT


**they're older than they are on the show bc i don't believe in 13/14 year olds making out HARDCORE SORRY**

 **this has a lot more angst than i had originally planned for but HEY ITS COOL THEY MAKE OUT A LOT**

 **HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE!**

* * *

Marinette doesn't know how she starts hooking up with Chat Noir.

It's somewhere in between his saving her life from the Gamer and the late night talks on her balcony. Nevertheless, they become makeout buddies. And that's _it_ , she tries to convince herself. But somewhere in there she recognizes real feelings she has for him, and that terrifies her. She knows her racing pulse doesn't mean nothing, the feeling of Chat's mouth moving gently against hers like liquid magic (it's kind of what she's always imagined Adrien's lips feeling like, tasting like). His lips were always both soft and rough and when he kissed her slow and languid and mellow, the fire that burned through her was anything but tender.

But she told herself she wouldn't let her feelings get the best of her. And they haven't, even if she does sometimes crave his kisses in the middle of the day or daydreams about holding his hand in public and _hugging_ him whenever she wants without it seeming weird. She's _fine._

Which is why she's surprised to feel jealous when he says he's going on a date that night.

Marinette knows she's being unfair. Alya has dragged her along to plenty of double dates with with Nino and Adrien—hell, she's going to another one tonight too, but—Marinette doesn't think it's quite the same. For all she loves Adrien, she knows he'll never notice her the way she notices him. She's still coming to terms with that, no matter how much she doesn't want to.

The only person who has ever looked at her in a way that made her toes curl, that made her feel special is Chat. And now he's got a date.

"Oh," she says quietly. They're standing on her balcony, and she stares at the setting sun just so she won't have to look at him.

Chat shifts awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah. I didn't think—" he clears his throat, a little sheepishly. "I've hung out with her a couple of times already and I really—like her? I didn't think it would be a problem. With you. Since we're not—"

"Exclusive," she mumbles. "Yeah. No—you're right. I, uh, actually have something going on tonight, too." She says, a little too proudly.

He smirks. "Yeah?"

"Yep! So—it looks like everything worked itself out."

He places both hands on the railing and moves to stand on it. "Yeah, I guess so." He turns back to her, gives her a wink. "I'll see you around, princess."

Before he can jump, she grasps his hand. "Chat, wait." Her fingers fit through his. She tugs him down so their noses are touching. "If it doesn't work out with that girl, I'm still here."

That smirk is back, but his touch is horribly gentle as he brushes the hair from her face. "I know. Same goes for you, you know." And he kisses her soundly on the mouth before disappearing.

x

Something is wrong with Marinette tonight, he knows.

She won't look at him—she hardly ever does, but he thought she was always just shy. Now he thinks it's something else. She keeps chewing on her lip, and Adrien has to hold himself back from being Chat Noir and pulling it free from under her teeth with his own. She keeps playing with her fingers in her lap and he has to resist the urge to hold them.

Adrien was supposed to tell her tonight. But now he's not quite sure how.

He _knows_ she likes Chat Noir. Be he also knows how she acts around _him_ —around Adrien. She gets skittish and nervous, she starts stuttering and wringing her hands together. Why does he make her nervous? Is she afraid of him?

If, when he tells her, will she hate Chat too?

He hates not knowing what to do. He hates knowing that he makes Marinette, the sweetest girl on the planet, uncomfortable. So he tries to keep his distance during the date. He doesn't want to completely scare her away. But no matter how much she won't look at him, how much she won't speak to him, she never leaves his side. She's always near, her hands always respectfully folded in front of her, like she doesn't quite know where else to put them. His fingers twitch, itching to reach out and grab them, but he holds back. They laugh. They have fun. He leaves it at that.

But he visits her that night as Chat. He can't resist. He feels guilty. Of course he feels guilty, like he's using her in some sick way, but. Her kisses are sweeping and possessive, and they take his breath away.

"Didn't work out with that girl?" She gasps into his mouth.

Chat presses her into the wall, his lips grazing along the side of her neck. "Not yet. Still working on it. You?"

And he pauses, heart thundering. This is his only chance to get an answer out of her. Of how she feels about Adrien. Marinette cards her fingers through his hair, a little rough. "He barely notices me."

That stops him. "I'm sorry, what?" He places both hands on the sides of her head against the wall. He swallows thickly. "Any guy would be a fool not to notice you, Marinette."

She flushes a deep red but shrugs, a little insecure. She tugs him a little closer, and plays with the bell on his neck. She won't look at him. "Not Adrien," she laughs a little, humorlessly. "I've been stupidly in love with him ever since he transferred to the school. I mean, I knew he was attractive—I've bought almost all of his magazines, but then he came and I actually got to know him. He's smart and funny and-and _kind_. But he's so..." she sighs, trailing off.

"Oblivious?" Chat says quietly.

Marinette smiled but it was— _empty_. Chat wanted to squeeze his eyes shut and forget it for the rest of his life. "Yeah," she whispered. She pats his shoulder and he moves off her.

"Marinette—"

"I think I'm going to call it a night, okay?" She says, voice shaking a little and he hates himself. He has to tell her.

"Yeah, but just— _wait_ , Marinette—"

"Please," she begs quietly and he feels his heart plummet into his stomach.

He watches her silently as she climbs up the ladder to her bed. "Yeah. Sure."

Chat climbs up to her trapdoor. She swipes a kiss to his cheek before he goes. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

He nods, but only barely.

He doesn't show up the next day.

x

Chat stops coming to her house all together. It bothers Marinette, for some reason. She knows it shouldn't. But she—she misses him, okay? She's allowed to miss him.

She knows it's not fair, but she becomes more withdrawn towards Chat as Ladybug. He doesn't know what he's done wrong, but she feels a little hurt. When they first started hooking up, her as Marinette, Chat stopped flirting with Ladybug. She was only a little bothered by it at first, if only because it was just so _bizarre_ when he left the fight without a little bit of flirting. And now that he's stopped showing up, he's back at it again.

Ladybug feels a little bit _betrayed_. Which is _ridiculous_ considering _he's still flirting with her._

She just wishes it was with Marinette, too.

She wishes it was with all of her.

She wants it all, with him and his counterpart, whoever that may be.

She realizes, at this point, that she loves Chat Noir.

She also realizes that she's fucked.

And then the day comes where her Miraculous runs out before she has time to hide.

They've barely just caught the akuma and they're in the middle of the cleanup when she feels it. Her last polka-dot, blinking out.

"Chat," she says frantically, her heart pounding. Her hands cover her earrings. "Chat, I can't get away fast enough."

He stares at her in open horror, his own heart pounding in dread or anticipation, he can't tell. He knows there's the usual crowd of reporters waiting for them a few feet away, including their own classmate Alya, phone at ready. Her blog is live, and if she catches this moment—

Ladybug will no longer be protected.

He sees the spark, the first sign of her transformation wearing out and he leaps into action. He shields her body with his; he's big enough that he nearly swallows them whole, and just as her transformation wears completely off, he's already taken her somewhere else.

He sets her down gently, but he keeps his eyes closed, just in case. He doesn't want to disrespect her wishes.

His ring beeps; he has two minutes before he has to get out of there. But he wants to make sure she's far away enough and safe to go home.

Ladybug still hasn't totally stepped away from him and he feels her take a deep breath against him. "Lady? You should go," but his own voice betrays him. "I know you don't want me to see you like—"

She places a hand on his fast-beating heart. "N-No, Chat. I need you to—" she cuts herself off, clears her throat. "Open your eyes. Please."

He does, but slowly, so she has time to change her mind. When his eyes are open completely, his heart stops.

" _Marinette_?"

"I'm-I'm sorry, if I upset you," is the first thing she says. "You stopped coming over at night, and I don't know what—or if—I did anything wrong, but I miss you? I really really miss—"

He covers his mouth with hers. To shut her up, obviously. She surges into the kiss, opening her mouth and tugs him closer. He grips her hips, tight.

His Miraculous beeps again, a last warning, as he tilts her head, pressing his lips to the underside of her jaw, along her throat, and she arches her neck, wrapping her arms around him.

"Chat," she chants. "Your Miraculous. It's gonna—"

He kisses her again, shushing her. "It's okay. I want you to know."

When his transformation finally wears off, he feels Marinette shudder in his arms. She touches his face. "Adrien," she whispers.

He buries his face in her neck. "I notice you, Marinette," he bites her shoulder gently. "I notice you so much."

She bites her lip, and his gaze drops to her mouth before he reaches out, taking her chin in his hand, and brushing his thumb against her bottom lip, pulling it gently from her teeth. She kisses the tip of his thumb and he makes a noise in the back of his throat. His hand slides around to the back of her head and he kisses her again.

She breaks away, giggling when he chases her mouth.

"I love you," she says seriously.

He smiles into her cheek. "I love you too. God, do I love you."

x

Despite them knowing about the other's identity, Chat still sneaks into her room at night. He's always been distracted by her terribly long legs in her sleep shorts and now he finally gets to run his hand along her bare thighs without his gloves covering his hands. She'll settle into his lap, straddling his hips and kiss him until he saw stars.

They'll walk into class holding hands. It's subtle, at first, until Chloe notices and informs the whole school with her screaming. Marinette just rises up on her tiptoes and kisses his cheek. Just because she can. It's awesome.

And then she finds out he has a _thing_ for her Ladybug transformation. He flushes tomato red when she sneaks into his room late at night, still in costume, and she takes advantage of that. She'll crowd him up against a wall, dragging her lips down his throat and his chest rose in unsteady breaths against hers. And he'll hold her hips so tightly that it'll leave marks. She never minds them.

x

They still fight together. She still saves his life, he still throws himself into harms way to protect hers. They're still a team.

Only with a lot more kisses.

When they defeat the akuma the next day and she offers him her fist to bump, he reels her in and kisses her senseless instead.

It's something she can get used to.

"Hey," he smiles, bright with a sudden thought. "It finally worked out with the girl."

She kisses him in response.


End file.
